I wonder if he’s ever looked at me that way. Maybe as we were driving down the road and I was singing along to our favorite song. Maybe when I was spacing out watching a movie in his bed. Maybe when I was laughing uncontrollably at something he said. Maybe as I was leaning in, slowly closing my eyes to kiss him. Maybe while I was smiling and fiddling my thumbs as I met his parents. Maybe when I was being bitter and pissy about something and he fixed it by pulling me into him and kissing me. Maybe while I was cooking him dinner, eagerly waiting to see if he liked it. Maybe when I pulled him down on top of me on the couch. Maybe when I sat drinking vodka out of a Starbucks cup on a slide, watching the stars. Maybe as I snuggled up against him in the trunk of his car, trying so hard to be closer. Maybe when I ran out the front door to kiss him the first night we were together, completely barefoot. Maybe while we were hanging out in my basement the first time we said “I love you.” Maybe as I sprinted away from him in the park, laughing as my hair got in my face. Maybe while I had one of my breakdowns and couldn’t control my tears as he calmed me down and made me feel better. Maybe when I blushed as I was explaining how I couldn’t stand it when people watched me chew. Maybe as I slowly inhaled, taking my first hit. Maybe when he stared at me smiling and shaking his head as I tried to prove to him I was strong enough to fight him off while he held me against the bed. Maybe while I annoyed him with all my questions during movies. Maybe as I went skipping and spinning down the candy aisle in Jewel, wearing nothing but my yoga pants and a sweatshirt. I wonder if he’s ever looked at me and sincerely thought, “I’m going to marry this girl.” Maybe when I look at him, and that’s all I think.